Rest In Peace

The call came around 8 this morning. Carol had witnessed a Sheltie on the side of the road, with a van pulled over. I should check. Then the veterinary clinic we go to called. My heart was in my throat, because I knew what they were going to say. Sarge had been hit and killed. The identity had been made by the rabies tag, and his collar. He still had his blue collar on, with his name and my phone number embroidered on it.

My baby boy is gone.

At least he is no longer searching for me. At least he is no longer hungry and cold. That doesn't stop the pain or the hole in my heart. My boy won't be coming home.

Rest in peace, my boy. Play with all of the other dogs that have passed. May you have a special place in heaven, for you will always have a special place in my heart.

We love you.
Mom and Gracie

Oh, well

I set the dog trap last night on my deck, and opened the gate that Sarge left through. I was told by several rescue organizations that using Kentucky Fried Chicken, sans bones, is the best bait to catch a dog.

I can verify that as absolute truth.

Did I catch Sarge? Hell, no. But Gracie, the dog who lives with me, the dog who is so well fed she may have to go on a diet, the dog that doesn't need another morsel of anything, drove me bonkers all night wanting out. Unfortunately, letting Gracie out in the normal manner (opening the back door) was not possible due to the open gate. So mom had to get dressed, put on a coat, put her on leash, and go out with her. I'd walk her to the open gate, close the gate, then drop the leash so she could run around and do whatever she needed to do.

Which was try to figure out how to get those tasty smelling morsels of food in the back of this funny looking contraption. I had an old towel and blanket over the dog trap, and was weighing those down with small bundles of wood. The idea is to turn the trap into a cave, so the dog will try to enter. Had I not been out there with Gracie, I'm sure it would have worked. She kept sniffing the entry, sticking her nose in there.

Now if it would only work on Sarge......
Thanks for stopping by.
Linda

Chilly Spring

Gracie has become my constant companion. She wants to be petted whenever I sit down, regardless of where I am sitting. Part of this is her own insecurity, I'm sure. "Are you going to get rid of me now, Mom?" No, we didn't get rid of Sarge. Sarge left us, either voluntarily or with force.

Yesterday was sunny but chilly. March is such an unpredictable month in the Midwest. We had 8 days of spring weather, then it turned downright cold again. I bundled up to take Gracie for a long walk at townhall park, then for a romp at the dog park.

My girl has been known as the noisy, barking Aussie at the dog park. She is so alpha, doesn't tolerate submissive female dogs at all, and can be quite bossy. That has now all changed. She plays quite well with the other guys. Note I said "guys", because I just realized she was the only female in the pack yesterday. We stayed for over 2 hours, so she would be tired, and she was. She also didn't want to leave, which is the Gracie of old. In the past two weeks since Sarge disappeared, Gracie would gladly enter the park, but after 30 minutes, she was standing at the gate to leave. Makes you wonder what is going on inside that head...

Another sure sign that Spring is here (beside the 32 degree reading this morning) is the blond streaks on her ears. From Spring to Fall, Gracie sports the most beautiful blond fur on and around her ears. I am envious.

Have a great day.
Linda

Monday

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you'll eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And some times good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Author Unknown

I do believe that everything we encounter has a reason, and that what goes around, comes around. If someone intentionally hurts another person, that hurt will eventually be repaid. In the end, we all have to answer to our Maker, whoever we personally believe that to be.

I recently had a friendship fall apart. At the same time, I made new friends and deepened older relationships due to my dogs. So when I sit back and look at recent events, I realize that once again that people who love dogs have a common bond that can't be broken. And those are the individuals who have reached out to help me in the past 2 weeks. Without question, without fail.

Dog Park December 16, 2010

Life will go on. I will survive and learn whatever lesson was intended for me. And I'll be thankful I opened up my heart to allow someone else in. Have a great day.
Linda

Out of chaos...

Canvas created with Graphic 45 Springtime papers

A few months ago I purchased two packs of cheap, stretched canvas. Several of the altered art designers with blogs had been using these as the basis for their work, and I liked the boxy look. When Cathy got the Graphic 45 Once Upon A Springtime papers in stock, I bought several sheets, fully intending to use them on a canvas.

I started this, oh, around Christmas or shortly after, if I remember correctly. Could not get it in any order that I liked, so on the shelf it went with all of the other unfinished projects. Thursday was a very bad day indeed, and to take my mind off of the missing boy, I pulled this out and began to play. And suddenly I could see order where before there was none. I could see the potential for something I really liked take shape. To me, this piece reflects the disorder going on inside my head. But it also symbolizes that Spring has arrived, the earth is being reborn, and yes, there is hope. Spring, to me, is the certainty that there is a future after the bleakness and cold of winter.

I don't know what the future holds. I hope and pray that Sarge will rejoin our family, and we will once again be a Scrappindogmom with two dogs, cleaning up muddy paw prints, training with special cheese flavored treats, and me telling them to "knock it off". But in the meantime, life is just beginning to return to some level of normalcy. I again feel the urge to make stuff, to meet friends for lunch or dinner, to see a movie. The empty niche is still present, the ache in my heart, but Spring has brought healing as well as hope.

At least for today. Make it a good day for yourself and your loved ones.
Linda

Another Day

In 1989, my husband, Ken, retired from Ford Motor Company. He had been employed at the Stamping Plant in what was then East Chicago Heights, IL. for 30 years. Ken was only 50, well truthfully, he was 49 when he officially retired. His birthday fell one month after his retirement date. I digress.

We moved to Kingman, IN. from the south suburbs of Chicago. With friends, we had built a small retirement home on lakefront property. The house was only 1100 square feet, had a wrap-around porch. In July of 1989, we moved all of our furniture, clothes, and the 2 dogs to Kingman. Our dogs were Candy and Toby, Sheltland Sheepdog Collies, who were litter mates. They were frisbee loving dogs, would chase balls, and Ken had trained them not to go beyond the boundaries of our property. At that time, the dogs were 7 1/2 years old, but still very active.

For whatever reason, Toby (the male) developed anorexia that winter, the first winter we had spent at the lake. It was bitter cold in December and January with lots of snow. Toby would go out, and not want to come into the warm house. He lost half his body weight, and in February of 1990, tears streaming down my face, I took him to the vet to be put down. We had tried everything, I knew he was suffering, and I could not stand to see him in this condition.

Down to one dog. Candy was about to turn 8, had been with Toby since she was 1, and missed him. To compensate for her loss and ours, we played hide and seek in the house, Ken telling Candy to "use your nose." I took her for long walks, off leash, because our wooded community was sparse on population during the winter months. She went everywhere with us. In time, she became used to being the only dog. Candy helped me grieve and move on with my life. She was an incredible companion when I was informed that my husband had multiple myeloma in December, 1991. We lost Candy to old age ailments in 1994. I was devastated, and when Ken said no more dogs, I agreed. He was in the midst of double hip replacement surgery. I was the driver and care-giver, tending to all of my husbands medical needs. I turned all of my efforts to my husband, guarding the soft spot that existed for dogs in my heart. Guarding it against being hurt.

In January, 2009, the man I was with bought Gracie as a pup. By April I had purchased my home, we were splitting, and Gracie came with me. In October, 2009, I drove to Green Bay WI to pick up Sarge from his previous owner. It was love at first sight, for both Gracie and I. Fast forward....

I was told recently that "dogs don't have souls." Also, that "dogs don't have feelings." Really? I did not ask this individual how they ascertained this, what criteria was used to determine these so called statements of fact. I happen to disagree. Gracie looks for Sarge in the house constantly. She whimpers, whines, and at times I swear she is crying. When she is feeling really insecure, she jumps up next to me and snuggles, something she has not done since she was a pup, before we brought Sarge home. Sarge was the one demanding my attention, on a fairly regular basis. I think Gracie is trying to fill the void. She knows when I need attention from her.

Today I am going out, yet again. I am going out for Gracie, for me, and in the memory of Candy and Toby. Hanging up new signs. I have to try one more time. And then it is done. Gracie will be with me, as will a woman I met through the newspaper ads I placed for the missing Sheltie. No one understands a dog mom like another dog mom. Unless new information comes forth, this is the last time. I have to forgive myself for allowing this to happen, even though I still believe with all my heart that someone tried to steal Sarge and he got away. I have to allow the pain to exist, learn from this lesson, and move forward with my life. I do have a life with Gracie. I do have a life with friends and family. I do have a life.

Thanks for stopping by.
Linda

And Life Continues

We all have bad days. It's part of the human experience. You can hear a song or a phrase that burps up a memory from long ago, or last week, and a feeling of sadness will overcome you. Or a feeling of oppression, depression, anxiety, whatever. Yesterday was one of those days for me.

One of the great features of the internet are blogs. I starting reading blogs when I stumbled across Dooce several years ago. She made me laugh. When the annual rewards would be announced, Heather would include a list of other nominees, or her favorites. That is how I found The Pioneer Woman. I became hooked on her self-deprecating common sense humor, and the beautiful photographs that she published. And then I started venturing into the world of creative blogs associated with scrapbooking and card making. Silly me had been buying magazines for inspiration. Good Grief, Charlie Brown, there is a multitude of ideas to inspire on the net.

And I came across this gem: Tammy Tutterow Designs and her personal blog for reflection, Bluebird Songs. I love Tammy's designs. I don't know nor would I ever ask what personal turmoil exists in her life. It is none of my business. But some of the bits and pieces of wisdom she posts are well worth repeating. The quote hit me right between the eyes this morning. It was exactly what I needed to read, to absorb, to take into my soul.

When deep injury is done to us
We never recover until we forgive
Forgiveness does not change the past
But it enlarges the future.
      Mary Karen Read

I had to forgive the faceless, nameless person who I charged with opening the gate and releasing Sarge. I have to forgive myself for allowing that to happen. If I don't, I can't move forward. I can't stand up and see the light, reach for the sky, and find some reason for life to return to any structure of normalcy. And I must forgive the insensitive people who utter such shit as, "You need to go out and get another dog this weekend."

Forgiveness enlarges the future.
Linda

Locks

Gracie, being Gracie

Note the chain and lock

Within hours after first searching for Sarge on March 16th, then reporting the disappearance to Animal Control in Danville, IN., I stopped at Lowe's. There was a young man working the department that sells chains and locks, and he was very helpful. There are two gates into the yard, one on each side. This gate is the one that was open when I realized Sarge was gone. Both gates now have heavy duty chain and this type of lock. It would be easier to dismantle the fence than it would be to cut through this chain or the shank of the lock.

Yeah, it was like locking the barn door after the horse/cow/pig was out, but it never occurred to me that someone would either a)open the gate as a prank, or b)try to steal my dogs.

We went to the dog park yesterday afternoon before the storm rolled in. As in any gathering, people exchange gossip and information. The break-ins in this area have drastically increased. We live in scary times, hard economic times. I understand that. What I don't understand is trying to steal a part of someone's family. That still just blows my mind.

Hug your dogs today.
Linda

Gracie

One of the many holes in the backyard that Missy has dug

What???

That was a good snack!

I imagine there is a reason why dogs eat grass and dirt. Gracie is not the only dog I know that does this. Carol says Coal eats dirt all the time. Little Missy loves to start a hole, especially in the spring, and lay down and lick the dirt. She also likes the tender shoots of grass and the roots. Evidently there is something that they crave from Mother Earth.

Consequently, there are small holes all over the yard. Once we are past the prospect of snow (yes, I said snow in the next few days), I plan on filling them all in and trying to put down patches to grow grass. I'm thinking I'll probably lose on this front, but one can only try.

You'll notice the brand new (as of last night) Nyla bone laying next to her. She'll chew on the bone, then go to one of her holes.

Whatever. At least she's home with me.
Linda

Things People Say

I have developed a fairly thick skin over the years. You just don't let everything hurt you, because with age you come to realize that most people don't hear the inane things that pop out of their mouths. Here are a few things I've heard in the past week:

"Well, where is the dog exactly, so I know where to look?"

Caller - "Is this the lady with the dog?"
Me - "Yes, it is."
Caller - "Well, have you found it yet?"
Me - "No, I have not."
Caller - "Ok, I didn't want to waste my time if you did." click

At the dog park -
"So you still can't find him?" - Do you see Sarge standing at my feet?

At Weight Watchers -
Me - "I am going to be down some this week, ladies. This is a flyer for my lost dog. Can I leave it here? And he is the reason for the weight loss."
1st lady - "OH, I am so sorry. Step on the scale." She looks up at me, and shakes her head. I had lost 5.6 pounds in one week.
2nd lady - "That is too big of a weight loss." Lips are pursed, her entire demeanor is disapproval. I bit my tongue on this one, because by yesterday morning, I was at the end of my personal rope and what would have come flying out would not have been pleasant.

I have put well over a hundred miles on the car. Gracie and I have walked through woods, fields, brush gently calling his name. Friends and people that aren't friends but want the reward have searched. Yes, we see Sarge. No, we can't catch him. When Vicky was on the morning drive radio show last Friday, we had a lot of calls to help with the search. Then after the posting that we saw Sarge, but he wouldn't come to me, one woman made this comment online:

"I'd like to know why her own dog wouldn't come to her."

Well. Isn't that special? How the hell do you think I feel? I'd LOVE to know why he ran, but here is what I think. It was storming, he was literally yards away from a large train yard, with several sets of tracks, making constant noise. Sarge hates loud noises. So he ran. But the inference was that I was a bad dog mom, and that Sarge had ran because he was being abused. Yeah, well bite me. If there is one thing that I do know, that I can hold in my heart forever, it is that I gave this dog the best home he has ever had. Sarge was never hit, he was verbally corrected, but that didn't happen very often. He is the good dog, the one who never does anything wrong.

The playmate that Gracie misses so much, she is grieving. It has been a very long week indeed.
Linda

Numb

This is the fourth day of Sarge being gone. Two full days of not knowing if he was safe, being fed, was being abused, where he was......then a phone call on Thursday night that he had been seen not a mile north of my house. My friend Cathy and I searched for over an hour in the dark. I called his name, nothing. He must have been hunkered down in the area for the night, but would not come out.

Yesterday there were 5 of us out looking. I had phone calls all day, saying where Sarge had been seen. He has now traveled south, crossing a very dangerous 4 lane highway, and a railroad yard with moving trains. The last sighting, he was still running, not hurt.

I have been told that Shelties "lose their mind" when they are lost. I don't doubt that. I saw my dog myself yesterday afternoon, called his name, and he ran from me. Not to me, from me. A knife through my heart. My chest ripped open.

But I still went out this morning, checking the area that he had been seen yesterday. He is gone again, on the move. My dog friends tell me he is not ready to be caught, he is enjoying himself, loving the freedom. I understand what they are saying, but this is the dog that has always been glued to my side. He has to know where I am in the house, and what I am doing. And now he runs....

The stress of this ordeal is taking it's toil. Gracie is not herself, does not want to go out into the backyard alone, won't stay out there when she does go out. She shakes and avoids me. Obviously she is picking up on the stress emanating from my body. The only time this stops is when we walk, and walk we did yesterday looking for Sarge. She has become protective of me, beyond reason. Gracie, who has always greeted people with a wiggle and a kiss, now stands alert and emits a low growling bark. What the hell happened in my own backyard this past Wednesday morning, that Sarge ran and Gracie stayed behind, now afraid? If only she could talk...

So I wait. I wait for the phone to ring, so I can once again look. The sun is out bright today, it will climb into the mid 50's. Maybe we'll get lucky, maybe we won't. And I wonder how much more I can endure, then I just put one foot in front of the other. I have to try. I have to.
Linda
 (The above photos are the last pictures I took of Sarge on March 8, 2011)

Lost

This is Sarge. Those that have been following this blog know that I rescued him from Wisconsin in October, 2009. It took a long time for this dog to trust me. But once he realized he was in his forever home, he warmed up to me being his mom, to Gracie being the bratty sister he never had.

Yesterday morning, I let the dogs out into the fenced in backyard. Both gates were securely closed. They were playing, so I went into my bathroom to do my hair and makeup. Gracie's barking intensified, and 15 minutes after I let them out (8:15am) I went to the back door. There stood Gracie, no Sarge, and one of the gates was open.

Total panic. I ran around the house, around the neighbors homes, yelling for him. Nothing. Got in the car with Gracie and my cell phone and started cruising the neighborhood, yelling his name out the window. Talked to 3 or 4 people out walking. No sight of this dog. I had my cell phone with me, and started making calls. It is amazing how many friends I have through ownership of two dogs. The network was in place, and it took off like lightning. Within 30 minutes Dan from Pawsability was there in my area looking. Later in the day, Cheryl from the dog park, Cathy and her brother Herk from the scrap book store were also searching.

Yes, I have been to the police, animal shelters, pound, and not found him. My theory is that someone opened the gate and dognapped this animal. THAT was the reason Gracie's barking was constant.

I am heartbroken. I cried more yesterday than I have cried in the past 10 years. I am angry. If the person or persons who took my pet, MY PET! were in front of me this second, they would suffer. How dare anyone inflict this kind of agony on another person? For what? For a few hundred dollars they might get in a black market sale? So I have taken the initiative and I am offering $1,000.00 for the safe return of this dog. He is mine. He is part of my family. I know his soul. And I know without a doubt that without this home, this family, Sarge will shut down and die. I must do whatever I can to get him back before too much damage can't be undone.

Think about what this society has become. It's frightening.
Linda

Rainy Day

Afternoon nap on the hassock

Afternoon nap on the hard, wood floor

The dogs are allowed just about anywhere in the house. I do keep the door closed to the spare bedroom that I laughingly refer to as "the studio". It is basically a glorified craft room, but studio sounds kind of classy, no?

Anyway, Gracie naps on the living room furniture, or on the bed in the spare bedroom. Rarely does this dog sleep on the floor. It is beneath her. She IS the diva princess. Sarge, on the other hand, will only sleep on the floor. In this photo, he is in front of one of my antique oak cabinets in the dining room. He also likes in front of the door leading to the garage. Or my closet.  Or tucked in a corner in the bedroom, between my dresser and the nightstand.

It amazes me that these two dogs get along so well, and play together when the mood strikes. Their basic personalities are so different. Gracie is outgoing, will not hesitate to greet anyone. You must win Sarge's attention, as he is shy, introverted, and very protective of me. He has never snapped at anyone, nor has he bit a human that I know of, but woe be the person who made a threatening move towards me. Sarge is the man.

I am a lucky dog mom. Have a great day.
Linda

New Cards

Inside of card

Front of card

Inside of card

Front of card

I have been experiencing the worse time with anything electronic or related to the latest technology of late. Today is a shining example. Every other time I have posted photos of cards I've made, the front of the card is first, because that is the way I select it. Did I change my method? Why, no, I didn't. Did it work this time? Why, no, it most certainly didn't. Sigh.

Anyway, it was cloudy and generally yucky this morning, so I made these two cards before venturing out to the dog park with the guys.

Enjoy your day.
Linda

Misc Saturday

What?

 

I had to go out on the deck this morning to get little Missy to stop barking at 6am. It's Saturday, I told her. The neighbors are sleeping on a Saturday morning. She doesn't care. And then I noticed a new sound - the song birds are back! In full force. I love the sounds of the birds in the early morning. It signals 6 months of decent weather. Of heat, and sun, green grass and flowers. Love it.

We are going sheep herding today. I get to see all of the lambs that have been born this spring. Leah isn't sure how many there are at this point, she thinks 20. They range in age from a week to a month. The last time we were at the farm, I held a week old cutie for an hour. They had named her Dot, and she snuggled into the arms of whoever was holding her. Unlike puppies, lambs are born ready to rock and roll. Their eyes are open, everything is developed. Beautiful animals.

And then you go online and look at the horrifying images from Japan. My heart goes out to the people of that nation. But I also know that the Japanese are extraordinary in their resolve and strength, and they will survive and rebuild. You have to wonder what the hell is going on with old Mother Earth. Scary, scary thoughts.

Be safe.
Linda

Lion and Lamb

The wind-blown look

Windy and cold today. You know the old adage about if March comes in like a lion, it will go out like a lamb. My experience has been that that statement is mostly true. Unfortunately, (senior moment here) I don't remember what the first of March was like. I think it was raining. So I'm counting that as coming in like a lion.

Someone with a lot of money needs to buy an old Walmart or KMart building, and turn it into an indoor dog park. Where we could take the dogs and let them run, run, run, when the weather is bad. With the seasons in this transitional phase, we get to the outdoor dog park and trails for walking on a hit or miss basis. Gracie and Sarge get a taste of it, so that when I can't take them, they drive me nuts. Out, In, Out, In. I am a slave to the dogs. I know what some of you are going to say: get a doggie door. I thought of that. I also thought about people not liking the little Aussie who barks, and if I wasn't home, coming over and throwing something lethal in the yard. It could happen. I have a vivid imagination.

Which reminds me, everyone knows not to feed their dogs chocolate. You need to add grapes and raisins to that list. Raisins in particular are deadly to most dogs. Doesn't take much. Also one of the nuts, and I believe it is cashews. I know peanuts are okay, because peanut butter is what my dogs prefer as a very special treat.

Okey Dokey. You have yourselves a great day. Stay warm and comfortable. Or cool and comfortable, depending on where you are. And if you have sunshine in your area? Send some this way, please. Thank you.
Linda

Backyard fun

What is that? Something I should bark at?

Birds flying overhead are always amusing

I'm bored, Mom

You do realize Gracie is nuts, don't you?

Rain again. And it will turn to snow. I wonder if the suicide rate increases in the Midwest during the winter months? If you allow it, this crap can depress you. We try not to allow that to happen. Yesterday the sun did stop shining, but it had warmed up into the 50's (a heat wave, folks!), so we spent close to two hours at the dog park.

To make sure the dogs keep moving, I walk the perimeter of the fenced dog park. Sarge will always walk alongside of me. If I stop, he stops right next to me. There are days that he runs and plays with Gracie or the other dogs, acting normal. Or as close to normal as Sarge can get. And then there are days like yesterday. He was fine for the first 15 minutes, then some noise, some smell, spooked him. Once spooked, you can kiss any normal activity good-bye. He was glued to my side for the remainder of the time. Gracie tried her best to get him to play, but no, he wasn't having it.

I wish I could crawl into his head for just a few minutes, and tell him it will be alright. Sigh.


Have a great day.
Linda

Dogs waiting for Spring

My ball

MINE! You can try, Sarge...

The main reason why mom does not have flowers in an unprotected flower bed

Mom, does my new coat make my butt look big?

The grass is finally turning green again. The dogs know that spring is in the air, and Gracie in particular is ready for warmer weather and play time in the yard. Sarge just wants to lie down in the abandoned flower bed and rest, watching his sister run around and bark at everything.

We're almost back to walking on a daily basis. I keep reminding myself that March is the month of transition, with more cold days than warm. But you can feel the difference already. Sunlight now has the ability to warm you, not just be present.

Just about everyone complained bitterly last summer of the intense heat, and then the severe drought. This year I think I'll keep my thoughts to myself. Heat is welcome after months of endless ice and snow. I long to open the windows and air out the house. Looking forward to mowing the grass, smelling the freshly mowed lawn. And seeing blue skies, not grey, not overcast, blue sky and white fluffy clouds.

Hope springs eternal.
Linda

Waiting for the sunshine

Front of card and sorry for the bad pic-no sun

inside of card

front of card, and ya gotta love it

inside of card

The creative juices are once again flowing. I've been popping in and out of the room, playing with the new stamps. Usually, after I've been sitting at the drafting table for 5 minutes, Gracie starts a conversation about wanting to go out. I've never had a dog vocalize quite like this one.

I know that once the nice weather hits with the sun shining, I will not want to be in the house. Plan on walking a lot with the dogs. We all need it. So I'm taking advantage of the crappy weather to finish some projects. Hopefully.

Whatever you are doing today, do it well and enjoy.
Linda